as a first sign that something's wrong - words, words, words. words are like pus in my body infected with despair. i am almost absolutely sure that my physical problems will disappear once i get to a better place in my head.

and i had an epiphany today - i hate this hostel deeply, everything about it, repetitiveness, red walls, creeps stinking of sardines, shitty light. it's dragging me down and there's literally nothing for me here. the essential fuckup was when i left but returned. my new life rule would be - 'no comebacks'. none. if it didn't work once, it will not work. not with me, cause i'm shit at forgiving, though really good at forgetting.